K something...

So when I imagine having the ability to do the things that I love at optimal proficiency, I try to forget my mentor's voice telling me, "well, you sound just as good as [the best] you just gotta perfect it". There's a fear of arrogance which comes along with my intense fear of letting people down. Looking at this man's sowing kit, the mountains of bread and pastries, listening to the refrigerator hum and the High Llamas traverse murky melodies. Murky and bright. You don't see them together much. Unless it's winter. A friend said to me, "hey brutha, sorry, but I got ALL your coats and some other things [you will need]." He would though, knowing him and what I allow, he would. But I see these funny things when I look at him and when I walk past a group of fun loving friends. Search deeper than you intended to...whatever you consider impossible could just be unseeable. On the train to VA, she was telling me about her son. "If you're ever in Philly, we should do something." I at the time had a free schedule and no inclinations of going to Philly. But none against either. I had just dropped 130lbs and was finally able to breathe. She didn't know what she wanted, I wasn't looking. But I still feel like 2008 could have worked out differently. Not Philly, not Massachusetts, maybe California. When I finally touched down there was a homecoming feeling. Do you ever get the feeling that intangibles like stigmas and auras travel? Maybe even follow you? It may not be a terribly interesting thing to discuss, but I feel that way. On the Amtrak, in California, she/it was trying to rescue me. I held it like my family and it squirmed in my hands as if to keep my gaze. Maybe I think too low of myself, perhaps too highly. I have no idea, and will probably make no true efforts to comprehend. I don't know why I'm sharing this with you.