The TV Don't

Fleeting White Snow. Last recollection involved a discussion between two female contestants about who looked more like a man. I don't find time for it, it doesn't miss me. So when I first thought to live on my own, I remembered my old apartment. What a great place. I couldn't pay for it AND live decently, but it was mine, I had furniture, it was fine. It was better than that. I didn't get my first visitor until 6 months in. Nick Vittas... I spun whatever records I wanted to, I recorded whatever/whenever I wanted to, I watched movies if I wanted to. My domain. I had friends who were excited to come over and never made it. I know you don't care, but PLEASE don't show it. And my job, which had been my dream since High Fidelity, was manager of a used CD store. Life was full of bitchin' about the things I now long for most. Peace, regretless nights, comfortable solitude. No legs without my consent. I woke up one morning, well rested, and walked out onto my balcony feeling the day off. Hopped on the bus and visited my sister who lived two towns away. I'd go visit: laugh, watch movies, talk about progression, talk about the culture, listen to good music loudly. I made the decision to move because everyone at that time could be trusted. I trusted the wrong people with my heart and lost everything. It's a trend I've yet to give up on. I'm starting to think it's not an accident. But the TV don't. The TV, when we're alone, shows me what I've been missing. My head kicks back and my heart steps into the hot tub. Life is automated once again. I visited a friend when I went back to my hometown. She watched music videos ALL DAY LONG! I thought, "what a way to live. The television helped raise you and you still haven't left it's side. You'll never forsake it. What loyalty!" I got up and went back to my parents' house. I sat in their living room where my dad had bought a new HD television and entertainment center. I sat in front of that thinking about when I lost control and balled my eyes out at his 50th birthday. How the juxtaposition of my loneliness and the intense love surrounding me just pushed me to burst. Then the TV came on. I knew this would be good...On Demand!! I could sit and watch movies, reruns, instructional videos. Whatever I want when I want!! Isn't that what we all want!